5 tips to getting along better

 

We humans are social creatures which means that we need connection and interaction with other people to experience our ‘best self’ and to experience a genuine sense of well being.

 

And wouldn’t you know, yet another thing, like flossing daily or saving 10% of your income each month, that is not an easy thing to do.

 

In fact, from where I stand (and the work that I do), relating harmoniously and easily is one of the top challenges in most of my clients’ lives.  Be it with their spouse, their children, their employees or their neighbors, people very often have a hard time relating easily and consistently with people.

 

There is an enormous payoff though to those who get ‘relationships’ right and do them well.   To sum it up in a single word:  EASE.  Because we are social animals, we really do need to relate well with others to experience the very best in our physical, emotional, and mental health.

 

For anyone who has ever been in a relationship of any kind knows, that if there is struggle with even one person in your life, that stress can and will spill over and negatively effect other relationships and other parts of your life.

 

Lets change this now

 

Here are 5 easy tips for instantly improving the way you and another get along so that you can enjoy more peace, ease and harmony in your life:

1.  Stop making that other person responsible for your happiness.

 

This may be a hard pill to swallow, but at some level the reason we get so upset or frustrated with another human being is that they are not doing what we want them to do, and that makes us feel out of control, which usually makes us unhappy.

 

If you take the mindset that that other person was not born or put on this earth to “make you happy”, you will instantly experience a release of the stress that you are bringing to your self and to that relationship.

2.  Allow everybody to be who they are.

 

Our ego’s trick us to think that we (meaning you) do everything pretty ‘right on’ and everyone else is quite ‘off’ in how they think and behave.   “Sorry ego”, this errors on the side of delusional thinking big time.

 

The reality is, we are all born unique individuals with varying ideas, values, understandings and desires.  And our work here on earth is to figure out how to get along with everyone, despite our uniqueness.

 

When you allow your spouse to be in a quiet mood that morning, or your child to not love cleaning his/or her room, or your employee to not be as quick or speedy to react as you, you actually allow yourself to stay centered and in ‘peace’, which feels really good.

 

And, when you stay in this place of peace, you can and will relate much much better than if you condemn or find fault in them for being ‘who they are’.

3.  Stop casting them the ‘bad’ guy in your story.

 

“Hello again Ego!”   That’s okay, our ego is just doing what it does best, making us feel right, good and safe.  However, it does this at a tremendous cost.  The cost having peace and balance in our life.

 

The better way to proceed in any relationship you have is to drop the role of ‘bad guy‘ (and always and only cast you and the other as ‘good guy’) in whatever story you are dealing with; parent, friend, spouse, child, employer, etc.

 

We are actually all ‘good people’ doing the very best we can.  Our best isn’t always understood or translated well by others, but to assume that you and anyone you relate with is always doing their best (at that time) will ensure instant peace for you and that relationship.

4.  Create some space between you and the other.

 

There is that expression “familiarity breeds contempt”.  It is well known for a reason.  It tends to prove true.  Sometimes the best thing for a prickly period of relating is to have some distance from that particular relationship.

 

Physical distance or just relational distance, meaning, take a little bit of a time out in interacting so that you can almost become new friends again.

5.  Really pay attention and listen to the other

 

We all think we do this really well, and surely you do do it quite well.  But, if you become even more deliberate in the attention you give to your spouse, child, employee, or neighbor, you might be very surprised to see and hear some things you miss in usual interactions.

 

Make it a fun game or experiment with yourself, and try to see a side to this person you don’t usually see.  Really intend to find something new (or that you don’t usually look at).

 

Doing this will keep you free from suffering the differences (that will always exist) and allow that other person the awesome feeling of really being seen and heard (which we all love).

 

You can do this!

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 The one word that is making things hard for you

“Oh my Goodness!   You did it again!!”   That thing you said you were going to stop doing!

You remember don’t you?

Very clearly,  after the last time you chewed yourself out and fitfully forgave yourself,  you  declared that you “would-not-do-that-again”….and there you go, you just did it…again!!

Why is change so hard?  Why can’t we just stop doing what we don’t want to do, and begin doing what we do want to do?

Because it’s hard, right?

Exercise regularly, eat right, speak kinder, listen better, save money, judge less, practice patience, find balance, love yourself, do more!  All of these hard, right?

Would you believe that the reason for your non-success or ‘doing what you don’t want to be doing’ over and over again lies in a single word?

Would you believe that the biggest hurdle you have keeping you from achieving more of what you want, is in eliminating a single word that you use regularly (and too often)?

This word, hands down, is the biggest culprit, obstacle and reason behind many of your unchanging ways.

The challenges you have had to succeed before now have nothing to do with your worth as a person, your lack of ability, your level of education, or where you are from.

I assure you, it has been this word that has made getting and having what you want so hard for you.  It is this word that has kept you at a constant arm lengths distance from more peace and more success.  And, I bet you don’t even realize how often (and well) you use it?

I know!  I used to use this word all of the time.   And those were my harder years.  Those were the years where just about everything I went for felt hard, challenging and uncomfortable for me.

Communicating with my spouse, building my business, maintaining my weight, growing my finances.  None of it came easy.  It was all such a hard road.

However, when I became wise to this word’s disruptive ways I did the only thing a DIY person would do.   I took deliberate and intentional action – immediately!

I Dropped it.  I Deleted it.  I declared it a non-word in all of my communication.

And guess what?   It worked!

Nearly instantly I noticed that all of these areas in my life felt easier to change, manage and improve.  Life felt lighter and flowed easier for me.

It wasn’t that challenges didn’t present themselves to me any more, it is how I experienced the challenges and how I got through them that changed.  I felt different and my results were better.

Would you drop a word from your vocabulary to have a more peaceful and productive experience in your life?  Would you be willing to give up just one single word from your vocabulary to have an easier time in your life?

What is this word?   Hard.

Including the word ‘hard’ in any statement, thought or feeling immediately renders the accomplishment or possibility of it harder for you.   When you say or think something is hard, you have effectively programmed your brain to make that your experience.

I hear it all of the time in my newer clients speech and in people all around me:  “I want to find a new job, but it is so hard”, “I know I should exercise more, but it’s hard to find the time”, “I know I should do it, but saving for retirement is hard”.

‘Hard’ is not an actuality.  It is not real.

Running a 5K seems hard for one person and quite easy for another.  Asking for a promotion seems hard for one person and completely natural for another, remaining calm during a conflict with someone is considered hard to one and energizing another.

Hard is a mindset.  It is a perception, an opinion, an assumption, and a habit.

‘Hard’, in and of itself, does not exist!  It only exists if you deem it to exist.  And why on earth would anyone choose to call forth the experience of ‘hard’.  Blah.

So, let’s do something about this.  It’s DIY time.   Time to be Deliberate and Intentional!

Very EASILY, choose to either replace the word HARD with the word EASY, when talking about future actions and goals, or SIMPLY drop the word hard from your vocabulary, fully and completely.

This is easy and simple to do.  And if you notice, you are actually asking of yourself to NOT DO something.  Can’t get easier than that!

Please do this for a week, a month, a year, and let me know how it goes for you.

You can do it! 

 

3 Ways to Get and Stay Happy 

 

Happy, happy, happy.  Yes, it is an over played word, goal, and notion these days, but it is what we all want to feel (as often as possible).

 

Some of us may change the word a bit:  contented, satisfied, at peace, but generally, we all do everything we do to get into, or experience, a state of happiness.

 

And that is great actually.  I choose happy over unhappy any day.

 

If you do as well, here are a few easy ideas on how to get to happy, faster and easier.

 

1.  Condition yourself to feel happy for no reason at all.  Not a thing needed to put you there but your choosing or deciding it.

Stop needing a reason to be in this state.  Isn’t the joy and ease you actually feel from being and feeling happy reason enough to b-line yourself straight to your happy place?
Sure, there is a lot going on around you that challenges you to feel or be happy.   We all have that.
And you may even argue, I can’t feel happy because “this or that” is going on.  This is where you are incorrect.
You can have more challenges than anyone else on your block and still be, feel or experience rock solid happiness.
Coaching Tip:  Consider your state of “Happy” like you do your name.  It is pretty fixed.  Your name doesn’t change due to the weather, the season, good things or bad things, so consider your state of happiness in the same way.  “It’s just who you are”.
Another tip:  When “this or that” comes around challenging you to be in your personal state of happiness, just start seeing the ‘gifts’ in whatever is presenting itself as a hardship or challenge.  This one works for me 100% of the time.

 

2.  Don’t give anyone you know the power, the job, or the responsibility that they can make you happy (or unhappy).   They cannot.

We are all guilty of this one.
We not only give our spouse, partner, children, and friends the power to make us feel ‘okay’, loved, or happy, but we go so far as to defer this handling to complete strangers (like the man or woman in the car ahead of us in rush hour traffic).
It’s like we have handed out remote (or ’emote’) controls to everyone around us giving them full and mighty access to determine our emotional states as they wish.
Can you believe that?   Our state of feeling happy, at peace, joyful, or ‘okay’ is handed over to nearly everyone we come into contact with.   That is crazy!!  Crazy Crazy!
Coaching Tip:   Take back the remotes!  And destroy them!!   Allow only one remote and one hand on your ‘emote’ controller.  It is 100% up to you to decide and choose the emotional state or experience you wish to have.

 

3.  Make your happiness your hobby.  

I love coffee.  Good, strong, hot coffee.  I have for years.  17+ years, easy.
I love coffee so much, it sent me on an adventure of learning about it.  Learning how to brew the best cup of coffee.  Learning what coffee makers were the best on the market.  Learning about the different regions, types and flavors of coffee beans around the world.  Learning about the right temperature of water to brew at, the best filters, the best way to store the coffee beans.
Coffee isn’t necessarily a hobby of mine, but I feel about a satisfying cup of coffee the same way one might about a hobby.  I want it to be satisfying 100% of the time, or else why drink it?
You can do the same thing with your happiness.   You can begin to pay attention and know better all the things that stir up in you, or elicit a very happy, peaceful, contented feeling.
This is fun!!  There is absolutely nothing about making a hobby out of happiness, hard.  (Say that 4 times fast)  😉
Coaching Tip:  Begin ‘collecting’ things that make you feel happy.   Collect from your internal world, like thoughts, ideas, images, actions, points of view, beliefs, etc. that trigger a pleasing state for you.
Then venture out beyond your ‘self’ and notice what sends you into happy-land from the world around you.

 

Cautionary Note:   Just be sure that whatever ‘it’ is that triggers ‘‘happy’,  begins and ends with you.  That YOU are the one inspiring, empowering and enabling the happy experience.
You can do this!

Try a ‘Stuff That Works’ Phone Coaching Session for only $15.    

 

Fill out Free Session form to make first contact.